Cohiba’s Brain Dump

Fox Fudge Freakout

Figured was a good topic since I am freaking out and the Ice cream with the same name rocks!!  We had it at my step daughters birthday party this weekend.

But on to my freak out..  I’m so worried i’m getting fired.  I screwed up and if I am getting fired its going to be the most STUPID reason ever.  I can understand my screwup a bit over a year ago costing my job but not this one, this one is like a WTF screwup.  Basically both screwups are around emails I sent.  First one I can understand I told a vp “How many times do I have to tell you NO its not getting approved”  Yeah I shouldn’t have used those words but still.  Job market so blows in Michigan the thought of not having a job is scary as hell since it could be a very long time before I find a job.  Since we are living paycheck to paycheck the thought of not having even a partial paycheck is freaking me out.  Hell we almost couldn’t buy food this week because we only had $10 after paying house payment.  Raided the gas can for the snow blower to put some gas in the van since it had like a 1/16th of a tank left.  Unfortunately there is nothing I can do if they have decided to fire me, not like I can apologize, not that I haven’t already but being a contractor I’m very expendable.  But here in all of its glory is my WTF email that may be getting me fired.

 Ok, Now I can understand some of what is probably getting me fired but most is like wtf. I told someone No do it on your time not ours. When is that ever a bad thing but no management feels like crucifying me. It was also my understanding of the new rules that were put in place that I was told and again my fault for NOT getting it in writing. But banking sites were removed at Managements approval.  Also the whole restricted per managements wishes is what caused them to run all the way up to the CIO.  So the CIO started chewing out down the food chain that, that is not policy and management is not restricting them from the banking sites.  Just the user did not have internet access as such was blocked from visiting that site.  Ok so I screwed up but is that a reason for me to lose my job?   Like I said its a true WHAT THE FREAK.  References to where I work have been removed just as a CYA so that they don’t have another reason to fire me for posting company confidential information. 

So what makes me think i’m getting fired?  Well the boss above my supervisor is the one who came down to chew me out and kept using the it may cost you your job.  When i talked to my supervisor if I was getting fired or not his mouth kept going dry and making that annoying clicking sound and changing the subject refusing to stay on the subject am I losing my job.  A while back we talked about when or how they fire people and he mentioned that they like to do it on Thursdays.  Well this morning my one on one monthly meeting with my supervisor just got changed to Thursday afternoon at 3:30 when they like to fire people {FUCK}.   So I’ve got a boss who is avoiding the subject, probably lying due to the dry mouth clicking thing and now this.  It makes me want to double my anti-depressants because I was already having issues with my depression before but now it just makes me want a take a gun and blow my head off.  Christ i’m worth more dead than I am alive right now.  Sigh…

Well off to the grind stone and my hell i’m calling my job for now.

The Meaning of Life..

No I don’t have the answer..  No wait I do the answer is 8. 

Having a baby is such a life changing experience.  This little thing is developing into a human being.  Its going from a crying, eating, and pooping machine into a person.  Its developing its own personality, its taking some personality from you.  Dear lord my parents wishes are coming true its a mini me with all my flaws.  Stubborn, tv couch potato in training, and not a morning person.  Its sad but Oliver has inherited my couch potato gene.   Is absolutely mesmerized by any TV, to the point you literally have to cover his eyes or turn off the tv to get his attention.  Then he fusses a bit.  Could be wandering through a store all the sudden the little head snaps to the right and is following a giant plasma your walking by.  Like oooooo shiny..  

After his time in the NICU and all the Dr. appts we had where all said the same thing we won’t be able to tell more until he gets older.  That waiting game is painful.  I think he is developing a little more slowly than is normal, but I haven’t seen anything to indicate a more serious problem.   Was amazed to see him pickup a rattle and start playing with it.  That it seems like it wasn’t even a week ago that he could barely hold a rattle, to not only picking it up but actually playing with it. To go from being a limp wiggle worm to pushing and propping himself up on your belly to look at you instead of staying face down and wiggling.  All those little accomplishments amaze me.  As we approach 5 months its been a hectic quick 5 months.  Still doesn’t even seem like almost 5 months ago we spent agonizing days going back and forth to visit him the NICU even wondering if he was going to be ok.  To a wonderful happy smiling baby who has found his voice and goo’s gaa’s and squeals in long unintelligible conversations with you or his hands.

New Year = New Post

Yea follow the herd..  MOooo..   Baaaaa.. 

Its the new year time to have a new post like every other blog site on the planet.  2009 was ok, could have been better.  Had some great high points like the birth of my son, the signing of the title to the project over to me from previous owner.  {BONUS}  Sort of makes up for the huge debt I now have from my son’s birth the mandatory 5% pay-cut I was forced to take, and the fact that I’m making less these past 2 years than I have in the 2 prior.  Ohh but wait the company still made a large profit and increased its dividend all 4 quarters last year all because they slashed costs.  Ok we gave my 5% to the shareholders.. Screw that I want my money back let the rich fat cats take a pay-cut on there dividends. 

Survived the wonderful trip to Florida.  Feel sorry for them now as they have temps down in the 30’s and we left the day the temp dropped.  But 21 hours in a car with a 6yr old and a 4 month old survivable.  Tip the electronic babysitter is a wonderful thing.  Load up the 6 disc dvd changer with all Disney movies and hit the road.   Also driving at night a god send for the 4 month old.   Disney was NUTS!!!  Mental note never go to Disney in August {to damn hot} or between christmas  and new years.  Only bonus is the 1st the attendance at the parks dropped way off so it wasn’t quite as insane, mostly due to bad weather, everyone freaked at 40’s and rain.  Heck that is still better than 22 and snow.  I also was sick which sucked but started feeling better just in time to drive home.

Feel really bad my wife got me exactly what I asked for, for Christmas.  Just one slight problem…  Didn’t do my homework to well so the awesome Rock Band fender strat controller is not compatible with my Guitar Hero Metallica So that I could at least play something and make sure the controller worked I went out and rented Beatles Rock Band.  Not bad if you like Beatles but would have rather been jamming to some tallica.  But she feels real bad because I couldn’t use my present that I really really wanted.  Also since its shortly after the Christmas rush no one has any guitar hero controllers so its not even like I can go buy another controller right now.

Start the CountDown to Insanity!!!

Where is the time going, I only have 8 days left to shop and I haven’t even started ACK!!  Plus we leave for Disney Christmas day and I haven’t even started to pack.  Then I’ll be stuck in a vehicle for 3 days with a 4 month old and a 6 yr old.  What in the world possesed me to do this???  Someone Please KILL ME NOW!!!

If it weren’t for those meddling kids…

Ok, i’d take the meddling kids, maybe they would solve my mystery.  I got a huge break in the search for my biological father’s side of the family.  I found a family tree on ancestry.com that listed some living fitzgibbon’s.  So I contacted the tree owner asking for more information.  She’s about as far removed from me as possible, she’s like my great aunt’s cousin or something like that.  But she’s trying to get me in touch with the fitzgibbon’s since she actually knows one.  I’m really hoping to find someone who has pictures of my dad, so I can see how much like or not like I am.  I’m also hoping to find out more about why I was given up for adoption.  Could my quest be nearing a end.  Could I get the answers i’ve been seeking, or will I find another family who are crazier than shit house rat’s who blame me for something. 

Speaking of that I’m surprised i’m still miffed by it, but I did not cause my Mom’s death.  If she died of a broken heart its her own fault.  She was not forced to sign her name, maybe coerced if you believe the stories I got from her side of the family but not forced.  Besides coming to the conclusion that my mom’s side of the family are all crazy, they make me happy I was adopted.  Because my life would have been soo different raised by a bunch of bat shit crazy people.  But to blame me is too much.  Its also why I still have the mystery of my Dad’s family since according to my mom’s side of the family him and his sister are Evil incarnate.  So I knew getting any more info from them was a dead end and not going to happen.